Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
