I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
