apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
