she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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