You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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