I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
