whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
