I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
