Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
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My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
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