Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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