Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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