just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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