A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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