Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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