And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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