Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
