just tell him i said nine months
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
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I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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