Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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