just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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