his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
