I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
