i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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