im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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