Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
