Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
