I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
