She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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