i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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