I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
