3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
