Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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