I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
