ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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