Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
