The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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