I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He did a backflip because drugs
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