He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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