My first STD was from a foam party
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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