I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
