He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
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And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i think i have two assholes
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
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