I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
