I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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