handjob tips. give me some.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
