Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
