We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
