she woke up with a sticky ear
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
