where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
