rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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