he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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