haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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