stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
