i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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