Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
