I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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