11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
