I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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