how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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