Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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