Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
