Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Never let your siblings swipe right.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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