I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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