good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
well you can't waste a boner
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
