so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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