I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
