I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
