Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
