Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
