He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
