White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize