Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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