they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
