he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Randomize
