I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
