So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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