No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
