took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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