I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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