Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
