Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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