Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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